Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of talent and skill
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans neck and will

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

Rolled like a tank
Held a purple belt rank
When the open mat raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I watched with glee
While your whites and blues
Fought for one little stripe
For the chokes they hyped

I shouted out,
Who reaped all the knees?
When after all
It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of talent and skill
And I laid traps for the ukes
Who get choked before they reached back mount

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
But what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game

Just as every belt is a criminal
And all the submissions aint
As heads is tails
Just call me coach or sir
Cause I’m in need of some restraint

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned white belt bows
Or I’ll lay your neck to waste

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game